I’m going to share my own secret doubts in God’s strength. It’s something none of us like to admit we have, but we all face at some time or another.
I don’t know if you heard, but this has been a HUGE week at Gathered & Sown. A number of years ago, God laid a message on my heart. He sparked a fire inside of me to study the book of Esther and share it with women. I’ve sort of sat on this for years, reading several studies about the book, joining some small groups about it. It’s just always been something I’ve been curious about because I was fascinated with Esthers story.
This past June, I sat down at my dining room table and realized in that moment, that this was the time. I started out of the wondow at the blooming and vibrant green bush as I processed the words and diligently typed them out on my little pink Macbook. I was excitedly and cautiously trying to figure out what it is that God laid on my heart to share about this wonderful book of the Bible.
But something was holding me back. An irrational fear of putting this idea that God had laid on my heart out there for the world to see. So before I knew it, while I was sitting there re-writing this book for the 6th or so time, I noticed the vibrant bush outside my window was now begining to drop its leaves. I was now more than 6 months into this project, because fear was taking over.
But sometimes, we quickly forget that and let our irrational human brain take over. Look at Peter:
Here he is, in a boat when he sees Jesus walking ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER towards them. At first, Peter and his friends think they are seeing a ghost, until Jesus calls out and says “Hey guys! It’s me!” (not those exact words, but you get it!)
Peter had witnessed Jesus work countless miracles, so when Jesus tells him to get out of the boat and walk with him, Peter doesn’t hesitate. He gets out and starts walking with Jesus, on the water. He has witnessed Jesus work countless miracles but yet when Jesus asks him to get out of the boat and step across the surface of the water, Peter’s human brain realized that he isn’t capable of doing that. He suddenly starts to see wind and waves and as soon as he shifted his focus from Jesus , his human limitations become super real and he begins to doubt and slowly sink.
The next line stops me dead in my tracks often. Hear how Jesus responded to him when he saw Peter lose faith:
Matthew 14:31 NIV says:
Jesus told Peter to walk on the water, and he gave Peter supernatural-God-strength-that-defies-human-logic-ability!
This story illustrates what God tells us time and time again in His Word. When He calls you to something, move forward. When it doesn’t make sense, look up and keep your eyes focused on Him. Never look at the wind and the waves around you that make you doubt that He can take care of your needs.
This is why I love the story of Esther. Her story would have ended very differently if not for God putting all of the people and circumstances JUUUUUST RIGHT for His will to be accomplished through Esther. She took many risks to do great things, but all with prayer and faith.
So here I am now. That little bush is turning a fresh shade of that vibrant green and I’m still having my doubts. But I keep returning to God and remembering that I’m not in this place because of anything I’ve done, I’m here by the strength and tools He gave me to get here.
Because He IS strong enough. He IS powerful enough. And HE IS HERE WITH ME EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!
The book is out.
I pray each day that God will lead this book into the hands of those who He wants to hear what it says. I pray that this little project will lead many women’s hearts closer to their Savior in a real and powerful way. My heart is aching to be able to pour into this book of the Bible WITH the women who buy it so that we can all grow in our faith together!
These are big goals, and the doubts are the wind and waves around me. So I keep my eyes fixed on the one who has the power and strength I lack. How about you?
♡ Want to join me in my study on Esther? Order your book here, and watch for details for our group study LIVE on facebook!
God can and will use you wherever you are in your life. His timing is never an accident. We just have to be willing to follow where He leads us and watch His plan unfold!
When the deck is stacked against us, often these are the moments that God not only prepared us for,
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4 Responses
When I made the decision to enroll in plexus I kept thinking this is nuts. I literally been sitting on this decision for over a year and a week ago Friday I made the decision. Still I was doubting what I was doing but I had this deep feeling that I had to do this. My stress level was off the charts and I knew that my body needed it. I have been on my products for a little while and man, my body feels funky because it is expelling all the nasty bacteria that has been hanging out. I feel excited knowing that I have the ability to speak to other people about the results I am having and help them feel healthy as well as make a living off of this to support myself and my girls. It still feels scary but I believe I made the right decision. It’s crazy what happens when we doubt Him and try to do it on our own.
Dear Angie, I will pray for you more often and ask God to put you on my heart each day. Our lives get so busy and I know I find myself caught up in my world instead of those I love. Gigi, Love Always
Awww, Geej!!! You know I love you and think about you all of the time ♥️You have no idea what a profound influence you and the other ladies in our little group have had on me over the years. Godly examples of lives lived for Him. Not perfect, but perfectly redeemed ♥️ Thank you for being you, Gigi!
Bridget, I hope this all works out well for you! And you are right, it never ends well when we push with our own strength and forget to seek God ?Believe me, I know! Lol!