Did your parents ever say to you “Just wait until you have kids, then you’ll understand!”
Mine sure did! And I’ve caught myself either saying or thinking this so many times in the last few years as I’m navigating how to raise these two teenage girls God entrusted me with.
My Mom has been gone for almost 23 years. But the best gift she left me (besides memories, of course!) is a little journal she kept. It’s not very long, and it only covers a span of about 3 years. She kept this journal in some of the most trying years of raising my sister and I…our teen years. I’m fairly certain this little book was therapy for her! I don’t know if she ever meant for me to read it, but knowing it was her private thoughts, make this book even more precious and valuable to me. Because it is the REAL her. No filter, no rose colored glasses. It’s the most tangible, real part of her that I can physically hold on to.
I got it out the other day, because 23 years later, my girls are the ages my sister and I were when she kept that journal. Reading her entries I can feel her emotions.
I’m able to understand her through her own words, and it brings me a lot of comfort knowing that there is nothing I’m going through that she didn’t go through many years ago with me!
I can feel as I read her journal her desperation and hopelessness that feels so familiar. And knowing she felt the exact same way that I do right now is strangely comforting. Reading in her own words how she navigated the feelings that she had when she felt a bit like she was losing her mind reminds me that there is nothing new under the sun. It may be a different era, but I’m fairly certain there is nothing unique about teenage daughters pulling away from their Moms, and the Moms trying to balance letting them go, while wanting desperately to hold on even tighter. It’s a delicate emotional state to say the least!
As I find comfort in my Mom’s book, I’m reminded of something significant.
The Bible I have on the table next to me is God’s journal.
And just like my Moms it’s full of His thoughts, His instructions, His promises to me. And while He was much more thorough and wrote a lot more than my Mom did, I can sit down and digest it in small pieces. And everytime I read His journal, I get to know Him and who He is even more.
My Mom isn’t here to tell me how she felt all of those years ago, but I can read her words. Unfortunately, her journal ends because her life was cut tragically short while I was still a teen. But God’s Word is complete. It’s always available. And just like when I read my Mom’s journal, everytime I read His Word, I read something a little different. It might be my phase of life, or even just my mood when I sit down, but different parts will jump out at me, so there is always something new to ponder no matter how many times I read it!
I like to imagine that God looks at me often and says just like my parents did… “just wait, one day you’ll understand!”
And for each and every one of us, the more we learn about Him, the more we grow. And as we grow, we truly begin to understand what He’s talking about.
Next time you pick up your Bible, think of it for what it is: God’s truth, in His Words, painstakingly written down for you to read and get to know Him by.
Everytime you turn a page, remember that He purposely put those words on that page to speak directly to you. Remembering that it’s not just some dusty book, but is God’s personal diary just for you to read sure changes your perspective, doesn’t it?!?!
I put Moms journal away after I read it this week. I’ll get it out again in a few years to remember her and revisit her words.
But don’t let years go by when you read God’s Word. He has so much that He included in there, it’s meant to be read as often as you can. Continue to be wowed by what He has to say, and take comfort as you read in His Words how He feels. It’s all in there, just waiting for you to read ♥️
I’d love to hear what you think! Let me know in the comments below!